Once upon a time, Jeff, Kelli, and I chatted with a guy about the importance of human trafficking and the partnerships we have with StreetLightUSA and the Phoenix Dream Center. As we were talking, he dove into his past as a single father who cared so much about his only daughter and told us he’d only sent her to private schools for her entire elementary, middle, and high school life. All these things made him a great dad, right?
Then suddenly he said, “But I never heard any cases of sex or human trafficking happening to someone there [in any of the schools]. Isn’t that something that just happens more to people in other communities?”
Think about it:
Low income families. Single parents with multiple kids. Children attending public schools. Minorities. Families who rely on welfare. People who suffer from alcoholism or narcotics. Obviously the other is not a white man with a shaved face, short hair, in a fancy suit, who can afford to send his daughter to any school he wants, even a fancy private one.
Look at this map. It shows the locations of trafficking in the United States in 2019:
It looks like if you live in Alaska or Wyoming you’re good, right?
Wrong. According to the company that operates the US National Human Trafficking Hotline, “Human trafficking is notoriously underreported.”
What is more likely? That the guy truly had a community of parents and kids through 18 years of his daughter’s upbringing that was completely free from this crime? Or just that he never heard about it because of his privilege? I think you know the answer.
It’s not just an issue that happens ‘over there’ in places you usually don’t go.
There are things that increase the risk:
Unstable living situations
Domestic violence
Running away from home
Poverty
Drug and alcohol abuse
etc.
Those all correlate to a higher risk of falling victim to trafficking, but that’s because we marginalize those people and make them vulnerable. Traffickers are experts at luring in and taking advantage of the vulnerable.
Plus, the more well off, the bigger your reputation. And the more adept you become at keeping the dirty laundry hidden to protect that reputation.
Let’s see how this could happen in a simple little story.
He could look like anyone of these kids.
(Don’t worry. These are all AI-generated faces just for a quick disclaimer.)
He’s an only child with working parents. His Dad has a Master’s Degree and works for a big consulting company as an analyst. His Mom is a High School Teacher and an Adjunct Professor. She has a Master’s Degree and is currently finishing up her Ph.D.
As a high-achieving power couple, they obviously cared a lot about Daniel’s education. Even when he was in Kindergarten, they were willing to drive 40 minutes out of the way just to take him to a school with the very best programs.
As for Daniel, he cares a lot about pleasing Mom and Dad. They’ve achieved so much with their degrees and careers that he doesn’t want to be a disappointment. He’s never had anything but an A on his report card.
More and more kids at school had cell phones, but not Daniel. They had little inside jokes that they laughed about or trending viral posts that they talked about. He felt a little left out because he has no idea what those things meant so he decided to ask for a phone.
Daniel’s mom was very surprised by her son’s question. She had never thought about how hard it would be for him to not have a phone and she felt bad that she hadn’t even noticed the situation until now.
“I just want you to know that having a cell phone isn’t everything,” she said as they sat on the sofa together, “and if you’re feeling left out then we’ll get you one.”
That weekend his parent picked out a phone for him, feeling comforted about how much easier it would be to contact and keep track of him.
“I met my best friend today,” he said excitedly. It turned out that she had the exact same phone model as Daniel, just in pink instead of blue.
Daniel was a pretty unique little kid. He skipped 2 grades after Kindergarten because of his intelligence which made Mom and Dad super proud that he was leveling up even faster than they did when they were younger. However, he was always so much younger than everyone else in his grades so it was difficult for him to make any friends at school or be part of a group. Being an 11-year-old 7th grader and seeing everyone else using social media made the loneliness even worse.
She looked so cute and had such a beautiful smile (just like the pictures above!). He commented on one of her pictures and right when he got done typing the comment, she messaged him saying that they should be friends since they both have iPhones.
Mom replied to Daniel, “I’m glad you met your friend, but remember to stay safe online. There are some things that come up unexpectedly.”
“Mom, come on, it’s Instagram. It’s not like we’re going on Facebook or Snapchat or anything,” Daniel smiled as he hugged his mom goodbye.
Daniel immediately sent another message to the girl asking how old she was. “13,” she said. Daniel paused for a second before writing back, “Well, I’m only 11 so we can’t hang out anytime soon.”
“Oh that’s cool!” she responded right away. “Don’t sweat. I friended you because you are so cute. 👉👈”
“Only simps would think these are compliments,” Daniel thought to himself. But he felt his heart start pounding when he looked at her profile picture. He couldn’t help how it made him feel.
He liked the attention so much. He would always have a reply for her and they would start sending messages to each other every day until one day she wrote, “I feel so close to you it’s crazy.” She told him that she was starting to develop feelings for him and that he made her life better just by being himself. That was the first time that Daniel ever really thought about a girl in a romantic way.
And he wasn’t the only one with feelings. She told Daniel, “I’ve been praying for so long to find someone who I have real chemistry with, and now I have it! And it’s you!”
“That sounds great,” Daniel replied as his heart started racing. She was about to turn 14 now, and she said she had learned about some things that couples do. “You’re my boyfriend now, right?” she asked.
Daniel couldn’t believe what he just read. There was absolutely no way that this extremely hot girl would love his nerdy young self. He asked a bunch of questions trying to poke holes if she really felt that for him. She always responded with validation, “I have no doubts. I know it’s really soon, but I can’t help my feelings.”
They tried to get involved and ask questions because he always spent so much time face-down talking to that girl. “What are you two talking about?” Dad asked.
“Oh, she’s just my friend,” Daniel replied casually.
They created their own account so they could follow both of them. After a while, they felt a little worried because they never saw anything about her parents. When they asked Daniel to get some more information from her, she sent some stuff. But it was impossible to validate since she lived in a different state. The more they pressed, the vaguer his answers became.
Daniel kept getting straight A’s. Mom and Dad were already busy, so the fact that he was happy and occupied with his friend helped. Dad could focus on decompressing after his stressful day and Mom could focus on compiling the research she needed for her dissertation.
One day, Daniel’s Instagram friend messaged him, “Guess what?! I’m going to be in town for Valentine's!”. She wanted to come see Daniel before she left, but her parents wouldn’t let her.
“Can you please meet me somewhere?” she begged.
“I don’t know. My parents don’t really like that we talk this much, so they would probably never let me do that,” Daniel said.
“Well I’m almost 14 now! So you don’t even need to tell them. You can just say that we met at the mall!” she responded.
Daniel didn’t want to risk getting in trouble for lying, but he thought that there might not be another chance to meet her.
“Can I go to the mall with my friends?” he asked his parents later that day.
“Hmm. That’s weird,” Dad thought. Daniel didn’t usually ask if he could go out with friends when he had schoolwork so he asked him who he wanted to meet at the mall.
“Oh, just some people from my class. They are going together after school on Friday. Don’t worry, Micah’s Mom is going to drop us off there.”
Daniel wasn’t lying. They really were going to the mall together in Micah’s Mom’s van so Dad said it was ok. Daniel was surprised that his parents let him go, but he felt really happy that they did.
“Yay! I can’t wait to see you! “ his friend said when he told her. “I’m going to give you a real kiss finally!” Daniel couldn’t stop thinking about it.
When he got to the mall Daniel said, “OK dude, so I will see you later! Remember, if they ask, we were together the whole time. I’ll meet you at the same door at 6.”
Daniel’s heart was racing as he walked toward the food court. She had told him that her parents were so controlling that she would have to have them there to meet him. “At least they are okay with her coming to the mall to meet me,” he thought. “I wish my parents would do that.”
As Daniel approached, she was there. She looked even prettier than her pictures. When they hugged, she held him for a long time before letting go and starting to introduce him to her parents. He felt so embarrassed because he was so nervous and his heart was racing. “I brought a gift for you! “ she said, “it’s in the car because I didn’t want to carry it around this whole time.”
Daniel wasn’t even thinking about anything except how he felt actually being there. She was the one person who he felt understood him. The one person who accepted him for who he truly was, and didn’t care about his quirks.
See, trafficking isn’t something that happens just to people out there. It isn’t violence from some stranger. Predators use social media to recruit vulnerable victims. And a lot of the time it involves people who the victims know.
In this story, those were her real parents. They were trafficking their own daughter; using her as bait to lure other children and also forcing her to perform sex acts on other men. She had nowhere else to go and no way to escape, so it was easy for her parents to take pictures of her and use them to develop an intimate relationship with boys through Instagram.
It was a vicious cycle. Using their trafficked daughter, they trafficked any other victims (like Daniel) that they could.
It’s something that spans the entire globe and involves predators and “clients” who have high social status.
The human trafficking industry is one of the fastest growing industries in the world, and it’s affecting more than just those who are poor. Social media like Instagram an Meta has made it easier for people to recruit potential trafficking victims by creating fake profiles with false information. It’s just as easy for them to generated realistic AI images pretending to be other people (just like I could when creating my Daniel for this story). This isn’t a problem we want our kids exposed to at such an early age.
The only way that we have a chance is to learn to see the signs of human trafficking and step in when we do. Trying to limit and control makes children feel angry and even could ruin close relationships like Daniel had with his Mom and Dad.
It will take a lot of work, but you will be glad that you took extra steps to cement your bond while still protecting your child.
Start having these conversations now before your child becomes vulnerable.
And don’t think blocking them from social media will work either because you may find yourself trying to explain why when they get older and rebel against you or go behind your back anyway. Once you get to the point where you are going to give them access, make sure you figure out a way that you can completely see everything that is happening without having to steal away their phone every night.
P.S. I know a great phone that makes that possible. Its name rhymes with rock’a fun…
Cheers. :)
If you or someone you know is experiencing a trafficking crisis, text “HELP” or “INFO” to 233733.